Memory Lane – Pleasant Trip or Journey through Hell?

Taking a stroll down Memory Lane can often be a warm and fuzzy nostalgic experience – think old family stories, vacation snapshots, or baby pictures. It can be a minefield of embarassing moments – think high school yearbooks,

21st birthday memories, and ex dramas. It can be a wonderful trip to visit people you’ve lost – think Grandma’s kitchen or late night ice cream runs with the friend who has passed. And it can be a painful and uncomfortable journey that will slice you in half – think wedding photos from your failed marriage or newspaper clippings of the relative you lost in the car crash.Memory Lane can be a tricky road to navigate.
I have been moving a lot of my belongings into storage in the hopes that the house will sell soon. In packing, I have opened those old boxes and odd bags filled with the flotsam and jetsam of a decade of Maryland living. This has been an amazing experience, as I have found myself able to part easily with some of those items that I once thought were invaluable. Of course, there have also been a lot of smiles and laughs as I’ve revisited some happy memories (my first trip to Ocean City, my bachelorette party, the first museum exhibit I did here, the Frederick Douglass driving tour, etc.) and some truly funny times with friends and family (fire department banquets, surprise birthday parties, visits home, picnics). And, yes, this particular trip down Memory Lane also featured some truly upsetting moments – finding the first Valentine’s card from my new husband promising to “love me forever,” pictures from my bridal shower that featured my friend Liz who we lost less than a year later to leukemia, the program from our wedding, the original real estate listing for my house. I admit to tears and a slicing sense of grief – but also a sense of peace that these moments are behind me. I have lived through the hurts and survived and now am ready for life to go on.
I have taken some grief from my girlfriends for having recently posted some wedding photos I discovered while cleaning these boxes out. I can’t clearly verbalize WHY I wanted to or needed to post these photos – other than to claim a part of myself. That was one of the happiest days of my life (not to mention the only day in which I was remotely photogenic) and is a part of my history. I can’t deny my past and I can’t pretend my marriage didn’t happen – the only way I can begin to put it behind me is to accept the facts. And one of those facts is that I loved my husband deeply on that day and, maybe for that one sparkling moment in time, he loved me. I want to remember that, God help me, no matter how much it hurts. So I am embracing those pictures, those moments, and that history.
Memory Lane is a tricky road to navigate – like a winding, bumpy, dusty dirt road – often messy, frequently twisted, and usually full of potholes. But I think I’m strong enough to do it. And I’m going to cherish those moments that have made me into who I am – redneck roots and all. Jason Aldean, country star and future husband of my ‘sister’ Becky, says it best:
Memory lane up in the headlights,
It’s got me reminiscing on them good times.
I’m turning off of real life, drivin’ that’s right,
I’m hittin’ easy street on mud tires.
I’m putting the mud tires on and embracing the past. I have no other choice. And, despite the tears, my history has been a rich one – and a good one. So I’ll hit the dirt road of Memory Lane with a smile on my face – and love in my heart.